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Reflections of a working writer and reader



npower, julie and me

Hello, is that Mr Baker?
Yes it is.

Hello, Mr Baker, this is Julie from npower. How are you this morning?
I’m fine, thank you for asking.

What we’re doing this morning, Mr Baker, we’re ringing to see if we can make some savings on your bills.
Oh, I don’t want that. No thank you.

You don’t want to make savings on your bills?
No, certainly not. Oh, no, not at all.

May I ask why?
I can’t afford it, Julie. That’s the main reason.

You can’t afford to make savings on your bills?
No, can’t afford it. I’m certain about that.

But we’re talking about making savings on your bills.
Oh, no thanks. I’m paying enough already.

There’ll be some areas we can offer discounts, so you end up paying less than you’re paying now.
I’m already paying enough, Julie. I can’t afford to pay more.

But if we can save you money on your present bills; that is, if we discount what your paying out already, then you’ll have more free cash and you will be able to afford more.
I know, that’s what I’m trying to tell you, Julie, I simply can’t afford it. I’m stony broke.

You don’t want to save money?
Skint . . .

Or even talk about it?
On my uppers . . .

OK, then, it doesn’t matter.
(There is a clicking sound as Julie disengages).

My first thought is, perhaps, under different circumstances, we could have been more to each other? Later I reflect that she was probably looking for someone slightly better heeled.

9 Responses to “npower, julie and me”

  1. Jim Murdoch says:

    I had a similar conversation with a lady from Virgin who wanted to give me a free mobile phone or a dongle or a SIM card – … “Just PLEASE let me give you something free.” I think the fact that I probably spend less that £10 a year on my mobile phone kinda threw her a bit too.

  2. john baker says:

    Rather like shooting a rabbit that’s already in a pie, I know, but still irresistible.

  3. Mark Lynch says:

    Ah, you missed a trick, John. The horror writer Ramsey Campbell always asks cold callers if they’d like to buy one of his books and proceeds to tell them how good said books are and why they should be bought. A guy’s gotta peddle his wares.

  4. john baker says:

    OK, Mark, next time . . .

  5. Michelle Bristol says:

    Ha ha! Love it. I may give this one a try next time I have a moment spare for a cold caller. It’s so annoying the way they act all surprised when you tell them you don’t want to make any savings, as if they didn’t know that they’re any annoying cold caller and you’re trying to get rid of them. Tsh!

  6. ann says:

    cold callers sometimes can be very annoying, though its all part of a marketing team and a job they wish to keep, I just don’t get it..I still feel disturbed whenever I receive this kind of call, maybe because they are too unbelievable and hides a lot of buy me get this one free concepts.

  7. Dom says:

    Very humourous. I can imagine how confused the caller must have been, but it does take money to save money.

  8. Randy says:

    Loved it! I have had many such conversations on the phone. One time I was flirting with the woman on the other end and asked her out, trouble was, she was in the Philipines!

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