Great Moments In Literature, borrowed from a much fuller list at Richard Hartner’s World. These are, allegedly, actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays:
She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the east river.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a really duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.
She was as easy as the TV guide crossword.