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Reflections of a working writer and reader

 

 

Cars and Computers

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

(My thanks to Geoff Gritten for this.)

12 Responses to “Cars and Computers”

  1. That’s an excellent find John! Love the sarcasm. But what makes GM so sure that a) their cars never break down and b) more fundamentally that they’re not detrimental to the environment?

    jb says: Hi Andrew, I’ve forwarded your supplemental questions on to GM. I’ll let you know when they come back to me.

  2. Mikeachim says:

    I’ve seen that one before. It’s a delight of restrained, nostril-flaring scorn. 🙂
    PC-bashing is highly fashionable at the moment. For example, Mitchell and Webb’s adverts for Mac:
    http://www.apple.com/uk/getamac/

    jb says: Thanks for that, Mike. Reminds of the days when I used a Mac myself. Long time ago now, though I think I’ve still got the sweater . . .

  3. Robin says:

    That’s great. I’ve always thought of American car makers as humorless. Might have to rethink that idea.

    jb says: You mean, as opposed to French car makers, Robin?

  4. LOL. I just read this now and i really think that GM has cited some good points in this… I was laughing hard to mark’s added comments…

  5. play bass says:

    Ha ha very great post very funny. Love the airbag one best.

  6. Evo says:

    LMAO, that’s classic. I guess poor ol’ bill can’t comment on anything without anyone breaking him down…..kinda serves right.

  7. Jes says:

    This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing. My favorite is the comment about the Mac.

  8. Car D says:

    John, you always have your own minds about seeing things, what’s more, you can express your thought into a funny story or a lampoon, that helps us to understanding in a pleasure and deeper way.

  9. chauffeur hire says:

    lol Mac peeps love this hehe but what if you installed windows 7, would that car be the best car in the world, mmm something to think about

  10. Sam says:

    you mac people dont stop, lol do you guys sleep well?

  11. Mesas says:

    I dind’t like this post, I loved it. Very Funny.

  12. Horsham says:

    This is so very true, cars, buses and minibuses would never withstand the terror that being Microsoft would impose on them!